Take nondescript brown twine and duct tape separately, and any of us would be readily able to conjure up for either one of them any number of practical uses. Given their trans-usefulness, it was a bit of a surprise to discover that I had neither of them on hand, and putting aside their countless myriad applications, I had just one particular task requiring both of them: the transformation of a found-object plastic costume viking helmet into a white fake fur-covered marvel, a craft mission arising from a long story that I'll for now keep wrapped in the garb of mystery.

Having returned from CVS with purchases in tow, I set to work, beginning simply enough by peeling the sticker wrapping from around the twine. At first, a bit of small print thereon struck me as odd:

CAUTION: Not recommended for use where personal safety is involved.

Then, however, I noted that I had unwittingly purchased the Helping Hand brand of heavy jute twine, as which point the cautionary note made such clear sense. I'm terribly relieved to have not snagged a roll of Misanthropic Bastard twine, whose packaging would no doubt be emblazoned with such suggested uses as: for best results, fashion into macrame necktie prior to checking for source of strange noise coming from engine fan belt.

Accidental selection or not, I'm glad to have chosen wisely for the purpose. Inside the viking helmet itself is another warning message:

CAUTION: This helmet is not a safety protection device.

I consider myself duly warned. Once my project is completed, I will venture forth knowing that when I choose to step out while wearing a white fake fur viking helmet, I shall be taking matters entirely within my own hands.

Photo by Mykl Roventine via flickr